So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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