i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
