so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
