ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
