I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
