At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
