grandma shit on top of the toilet
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
