Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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