Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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