You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
