Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
