now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
