Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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