Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
