he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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