I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dick very happy bro
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
