the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
