Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
