Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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