I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
