too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
