The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
