I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
