My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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