So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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