so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
