Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
