I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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