guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
