Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize