pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
