He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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