hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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