I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
