There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
