Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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