Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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