Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
