Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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