Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
