he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
