And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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