She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
