I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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