Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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