I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
