Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
