just tell him i said nine months
there's paper in my vomit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
