I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
