How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
