went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
