You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
