All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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