And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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