u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
