Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When are your genitals available?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize