census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
