i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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