between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
