she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize