I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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