Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
