i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
