so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you would pick up someone in the library
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
