At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
