I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
