if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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