I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
