Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
