just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
