Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
