I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
