Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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