ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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