some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
