There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
