Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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